Love, Alabama Style

Here is the latest from The Next Write Things’s favorite guest author, designer, and vainglorious vanguardist Charles Brown.

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Last week, I went to Destin, Florida for a family wedding. Being the creative spirit that I am, a 7+hour road trip was just the setting I needed to zone in. I finally got out a few sketches that had been in my head for a week. I “motor-flirted” with this attractive black man in a black Mercedes with Cobb Co GA tags (Northeast Atlanta for the uninitiated) for an hour from Montgomery to Evergreen, AL. What is “motor-flirting”, you ask? Its when you play that game of cat and mouse where you are constantly speeding up and slowing down and overtaking each other, allowing for brief glimpses at the other driver. I don’t know that the motor-flirting was mutual, but I had fun none the less.

The drive also gave me a lot of time to reflect. As I drove through Montgomery, my mother asked if I remembered a trip we had made there when I was maybe 8 or 9 for the wedding of one of her co-workers. She had made the bridesmaids’ dresses, so not only were we there for the wedding but also for last minute alterations- which is why I don’t fool with alterations today, but I digress. I definitely remembered the trip and the thing I remembered most emphatically was Daiquiri. Daiquiri was the niece or baby cousin of the bride. She was a beauty… maybe a year or so older than me, medium brown complexion, long pressed hair. Boy, was I smitten. I followed her around the whole weekend; I thought about her the whole weekend; I talked about her the whole weekend. I knew little of long-distance relationships at that point-with the exception of Constance, my first “girlfriend” from the age of 6 that lived an hour south of me that I saw maybe every other weekend when I’d visit my grandmother- but I knew that somehow Daiquiri and I should be together and that she would be my wife. (Even then, I was the marrying kind!)

As I reminisced over this childhood infatuation, I smiled and began to think of other crushes and girlfriends I had prior to 7th grade – which was when the stream of young ladies dried up in my life for then inexplicable reasons. I thought of how I would tell my Mama – and anyone who would give ear- about the fille du jour and how wonderful I thought she was and about the terrific jewels I wanted to shower upon her. (Dynasty much??) Then I thought of the equal crushes I would have on boys during the same time and how secretive they were by comparison. I don’t recall feeling shame or fear because of my infatuations, as though they were intrinsically wrong, but I obviously felt strongly that this was something I shouldn’t or couldn’t share with others…otherwise, I would have talked about them too. At the time, it didn’t make me sad that I had to keep my feelings private, but now in retrospect, I am mildly saddened that I was not able to fully express myself at that time. I’m not regretful, since I didn’t try to stop what I felt, nor do I think it would have changed much of anything about my present or future, but I do think it would have been much more…delightful had I been able to run home and talk about Jake or Dewayne as much as I did Kalyn or Jeanetta back in 4th grade.

As usual, at this point, I thought about the future… my 10 year old niece and two 3 year old nephews. Particularly my nephews because they are so young and haven’t been irrevocably indoctrinated into the oppressive myopicy of hetero-normality YET and because we live in a society that is so stringent and restrictive to the sexuality and gender roles of males, moreso than females. I would that they be able, unlike I was, to fully and freely feel what they feel and express those feeling without self or external reproach or recrimination. That at such young tender ages, they be able to have a crush on whosoever they will, without feeling they have to hide it or that they are in some way wrong or abnormal.. That they’d be able to give and receive love as love presents itself, in all forms. And that everyone else would allow them that right and be wise enough to know not only that it is their right, but realize that they are children and that even though the things they do as children may shape their future, it doesn’t dictate it. A boy that has a crush on a boy at 8 yrs old, doesn’t necessarily grow up to be a homosexual adult. But a boy that is allowed to express himself will grow up to be liberated, broad minded, of independent spirit, respectful of diversity, and to fully acknowledge, appreciate, and embrace himself and his fellow man. That boy will grow up to be a man that makes this world a better place.

I know I can’t change the world and how it operates, but if I –if we- at home at least allow our kids to be who they are, it will be to their advantage. We can’t control what goes on outside our front door, but we can control what messages we allow in and what paradigms and behaviors we impart to our youth. Because I am not a parent, I suppose I can only do so much, but I am committed to providing the children in my life with as panoramic a scope and as a wide a berth as humanly possible, so they may grow up to be the self-loving, fulfilled individuals we should all strive to be.

PS. As I write this now, I also realize that travel- no matter how mundane- has always put me in the mood for romance. Even from a young age, there was this sense or expectation of meeting someone new & captivating and engaging in some sort of beautiful interlude while away from home. Maybe its a subconscious residual side-effect from growing up watching Aaron Spelling shows like Hotel and The Love Boat?? And films like Now Voyager? That’s something to explore for another time…